


Connection

by Pseudonymfox



Series: Connection [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Coma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-06-15 01:10:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15401649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pseudonymfox/pseuds/Pseudonymfox
Summary: Bucky joins the avengers and gets the old room of you with all the memories you left behind. You seem to have a connection and history but you are laying in coma…





	1. pilot

**Author's Note:**

> New series! Parts coming soon..

“and this is your room“ Steve said to Bucky while he opened the door to let him first go inside. He just looked curious around the room which was still decorated like someone was already living in there.

“Don’t worry. It’s gets taken care of over the next few months, the family- it’s a..a long story..anyway just make yourself comfortable. My room is right next to yours.“ Steve told Bucky and had obviously problems talking about whoever lived here first. 

As he left Bucky sat on the side of the bed and took everything in that happened. He left Wakanda again, his mind is clear and now he joined the Avengers. Everything is still so new and now it’s much more complicated to live in a room with the old belongings of someone. He took his head out of his hands and saw a photo on the nightstand next to him. It was a picture with a few Avengers and a girl which looked oddly familiar to him. It looked like a Christmas card or something. She must have worked here too, maybe she is or was a Avenger. What ever happened to her must have been a while ago because over the picture are already a few layers of dust. Something bad must have happened, she wouldn’t just let all of her stuff behind. As he stood up he looked over more of her photos that stood on her dresser or hung on the walls. She looked on each one of them happy and joyful, always with friends like Steve, Nat, Wanda, Tony or the rest of the team and others he didn’t recognize.

A few polaroids laid there too, she had a bookshelf full of History Books mostly about World war two even one about the Howling commandos, as he picked it out of the shelf to open it, a few tickets from the smithsonian fell on the ground, he picked them quickly up again and laid the book back where it belonged. He felt weird looking through the stuff of this mysterious girl but he couldn’t stop himself, from what he saw in her room she seemed really interesting to him. She had a lot of plants that were mostly already dead, books that didn’t fit in the overpacked shelf laid stacked on the ground, a few boxes are already in a corner with clothes written on it, on the writing desk are laying a few crumbled notes, dvd’s and two diary’s. Just as he wanted to grab them he heard a few knocks on the door. 

“Come in.“ he said loud enough for the person to hear. Steve opened the slightly to lean on the doorway. 

“Just wanted to let you know that we are making dinner right now if you wanna join?“ he told him and was about to leave again. 

“What happened to the girl that lived here?“ He asked and Steve entered the room while he took one of the pictures in his hands and smiled sadly at the memorie where this photo was taken but quickly put it back in his place with a now more serious look on his face.

“She…I-It was a an accident on a mission and she saved us…She lays in coma for a almost a year now“ Steve told him and gulped harshly. Bucky noticed how uncomfortable he is talking about her. 

“What is her name?“ he sighed.

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N)..“

**_-Flashback-_ **

_The mission was to detonate a toxic bomb that Hydra was about to build for unknown reasons. It was just a small building but Tony wasn’t sure if that was just a wrong rumor so he send the whole team. Nat, clint and Bruce stayed by the jet a few miles away while You, Steve and Tony were inside. It was more than you expected so you called the other half to join. You ran to the halls towards the room where you were told the bomb was held. You heard how Nat told you over the comms that they found hostages and that they are about to bring them out and to the nearest Hospital. As you reached the room you saw that the bomb was held in a glass container and only with a password you could open it. A timer appeared on the tablet in front of confirming that you had one minute left and that was one of ten bombs in the whole building and others spread around the city. It must be in a way installed to confirm the password from time to time or it would go off.  
_

_“Is everyone out of the building yet?“ you spoke into your earplug._

_“No a few hostages are still inside. Nat and I are get them out right now“ Steve replied. You just had two chances left yet, either you would hack the complicated system just in time and you could go out of there alive or the bombs would go off and you would most likely die._

_“Ok stay back then…I- I got this.“ you gulped as you tried to hack as fast as you can. Your hands began to shake as you saw that just half of the time was left and you didn’t even started. It was anything other you have ever seen. It was way to complex for you or Nat to hack this. Everytime you got through one of the passwords, two other appeared. Fucking hydra you thought. The last ten seconds began to count down._

_“10..“_

_You began to hack the bombs that were held in the City. They were easier and more important to hack and not as complicated as the one you were standing in front of.  
_

_“9..“_

_The bombs you had managed to save were all in Hospitals, police departments and other popular places. You smiled that you at least could save them. The innocent people. Families, children, people with a normal life.  
_

_“8..”_

_You just got the last one done and decided to try you very best to hack the one that started beeping faster and faster in front of you.  
_

_“7..“_

_You couldn’t make it you replied in your head. You send the details of the locations from the bombs to the jet. They could do the rest._

_“6..“  
_

_“Steve. I disabled the bombs, you just have to get them out of there. I think I won’t make it“ you spoke in your comm, your voice shaking as you sat down on the floor with the tablet in your clammy hands.  
_

_“5..”_

_“What?. (Y/N) no, we are coming for you. Get out of there.” Steve began to say as you heard how his voice began tremble and the other yelling around, trying to find a solution but you couldn’t focus on anything right now.  
_

_“4..“_

_The upload was almost done.  
_

_“3..“_

_“2..“_

_You didn’t saw your life flashing in front of your eyes or memories appreing like it was always described. The room was completly silent, you just heard your shaky breath and the beeping in the background.  
_

_“1″  
_

_“I- I love you guys..I am sor-” you said one last time but got cut off by the explosion.  
_

_Steve who could already see the building ran as fast as he could among the others besides him but was stopped at the explosion wave hit him and the others and forced them painfully into the trees or the ground. The toxic gas plus the explosion shattered the windows of the buildung. He only could hear the gasps of his teammates as he looked how the thick black smoke came through the windows. None of them could go back inside. They called for Tony who just came flying back from the Hospital. He flew right inside and came back with you laying in his arms, you were covered in bruises and burns, your skin already grey and lifeless. After about five minutes they managed to get you back to breathing. Later at the hospital the doctors decided to put you into coma. They told them that there was almost no chance that you wake up again due the toxic gas and explosion.  
_

_That was 10 months ago and after one year they would turn the machines off. You wanted it like this. You didn’t want to suffer in a hospital bed so you signed the contract years ago as you joined the team. It was better for you, your family and friends. They would understand that you thought…  
_

**_-End of flashback-_ **


	2. Dear diary...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky reads your diary’s and finds out he was your mission and he finds something interesting on the rooftop…

As Bucky ate Dinner with his fellow teammates he tried a few times to talk about (Y/N) but neither of them really wanted to talk about it. Wanda even leaved earlier the table. He finished rather quickly his food and leaved too. After he slipped into his bed he thought about the diarys and if he should read them or not. What felt like hours of rolling around the sheets he decided to read them, it was wrong but the thought wouldn’t leave him alone. He quickly got up and took bot diary’s and leaned against the headboard of his bed with on of them in his hands and the other laying on the nightstand besides him. He opened the first book in which the first few pages are just covered in doodles and little notes until the entries started.

_“Dear diary,_

_Steve told me to write things in here while I am on this mission but that’s not really my thing because I am not thirteen years old anymore and then he said I should just write stuff about the mission in here. It’s just an observation and right now all I am observing is James and he is sleeping right now. I’ll take a nap too because I am tired. Interesting first entry but I guess no one is ever reading this. See ya’”_

Bucky flipped to the next page. He still felt bad to read that but it was about him so it was kinda right for him. He didn’t knew back then that he got spied on but Steve told him later about it. Neither did he knew that he would be living in the room and reading the diary of the girl that spied on him.

_“James is out again after maybe…two days of staying in. He is in the smithsonian and is looking at a picture of him. Funny that he didn’t notice me at all like he is the winter soldier right? I mean he was forced and tortured and…anyway it’s really interesting to see how hard he is trying to remember all of that stuff. Steve said when I find him I should call him and he would get to him but after what I saw I figured it would be the best to let him find himself first…Steve is gonna be so mad if he would find out about that……Oh he’s moving again-”_

He didn’t knew that but he was really thankful that she understood him somehow. That he needed time back then and that it was lot to take in and would be much more if Steve had found him right away even if it ended with running away from the police and the black panther and ending up with fighting alongside Steve but he was glad for the time she gave him before that.

_“He’s buying plums on the market right now..Nothing really interesting but at moments like that I think that it would be better to leave him alone until he’s ready to meet Steve. Steve is right too but..it’s just a little messed up. Shit. He is coming my way..Oh god I am so screwed…I just keep writing so it isn’t obvious that I am actually writing about him LOL. He is sitting besides me now. I am not as nervous as I thought I would be but it’s probably wrong to sit beside him. I mean now he knows how I look and all. I am just waiting till he leaves again. Should probably change the site not that he can’t read what I am writing in here haha bye.“_

He can remember this day, he sat besides her because he wanted to try to talk to her but he didn’t get a single word out. Well  now he could remember from where he knew her, she wore big sunglasses, a dress and wrote in here one of the reasons he liked her. She wasn’t on her phone or anything she wrote in this book even when it was something like a mission report about him. The rest of the pages were full of the same stuff. What he did on the days until it stopped. The sentence in the book was just “My last entry. I told you Steve would be mad at me and he is :(”. She just wrote a an entire book about the good things about him and he didn’t found on sentence how he murdered all these people or what kind of monster he was. Everything he found were compliments at how she liked his hair or two pages about his metal arm. She is such an amazing person, she didn’t deserve that. After he read the first book over and over again he laid it away to see that he got just three hours left before Steve would wake him again for training. Both of the book laid now on his nightstand. He wanted to read the second one but he needed sleep to, one nap wouldn’t hurt he thought. His sight didn’t leave the books as he slowly fell asleep.

The next day went like the usually for him. He went running with Steve, breakfast with the team, a meeting, free time, training again and right now he headed to living room where he was supposed to watch a movie with a Natasha, Steve, Sam and Wanda but just Wanda was there which was weird because normally he would be the last one coming in at halfway through the movie. He decided to just sit down on the other end of the couch and wait for the rest. He thought about asking her about (Y/N) but he wasn’t sure since nobody really likes talking about it, especially Wanda.

“You are thinking so loud please just say what you want to say“ Wanda said but continued reading her book.

“What kind of person was (Y/N)?“ he asked going straight because he really wanted to know you better. What kind of life you had and what person you were. It was fair for him since you spied on him and wrote everything down about him.

“I don’t want to talk about it“ she replied clenching her jaw. She wasn’t in the mood at all but he just had to know, nobody could just change the subject all of the time if just your name comes up.

“Wanda please!..I have to know“

“She is..I mean she was a really shy person and-“ she sighed and closed her book now giving him the full attention.

“-she was just like you to be honest. She had to deal a lot with hydra but she is- was incredibly strong and just tried to do the right thing all the time and she was always there for me. She is my sister and she is a hero..“ Wanda told him and wiped a few tears away that run down her cheeks. She obviously needed a second before she continued.

“One time she wanted to surprise me on my birthday with a- a cake because I told her that I never had a cake on my birthday and she came into my room and started singing and just when I woke up I see her stumbling, she fell and the cake landed right in her face and we just started laughing…“ she smiled sadly at the memorie. Both of them reminded in silence for a while until the rest came out of the elevator which caused Bucky to turn around for a split second and then back to Wanda who just stood up to leave the room. He would love to hear more stories from you but he also knew that it is difficult to talk about it. He himself felt terrible talking about you and every time he felt how the anger boiled in his blood and at the same time he was so sad and disappointed that this happened to you. He needs so many anwsers to so many questions.

“What’s up with her?“ Natasha asked nodding into the direction Wanda just left.

“I don’t know..“ he stood up too and left the room. He went straight to his room and just fell onto his bed and into a deep slumber. Friday woke him the next day confirming that (Y/N) Parents would come by tomorrow to get the boxes that are left. He couldn’t believe how they must feel to get a call one day that their daughter were dead or in coma. It reminded him of his parents and how they must have felt when he fell of the train, he couldn’t remember them really well but had sometimes blurry dreams of them or heard Steve talk about them. Happy dreams that aren’t really often by him. After he laid a good hour in bed he took a cold shower, changed into a new pair of clothes and just wanted to went for breakfast as Friday’s voice spoke to the speakers again.

“I was told to confirm you that Mr.Rogers had to attend on a mission with half of the team and they are back in a few hours“

He ate breakfast alone this time, for the first time. It was to silent for him normally he would hate the stupid jokes of Sam, the yelling of Thor, the giggle of Wanda and Natasha and the discussings of Tony and Steve but now to hear how everything was in complete silence with just the ticking of a clock was weird and not familiar to him. After he cleaned the dishes he decided to look around the tower a little bit since he hadn’t the chance yet. He went to see the Lab were Tony and Bruce would work in, the different training rooms who are designed for different abilities of his fellow teammates, the room with all the weapons and stuff he never had seen before and after he managed to look into most of the rooms he was allowed to get into he just pressed the last button in the elevator which is the Rooftop. It was empty with a few chairs and small bar that are all coated with sheets, seemed like no one really was using the rooftop here. He looked around and saw that behind the elevator was a little conservatory.

The glass dirty and as he went for the door he saw that this whole little space was full of flowers and different plants, tools, an old vinyl recorder, a small bookshelf and one rocking chair. He opened the door and stepped in. Most of the plants and flowers seemed to be almost dead so he took one of watering cans and watered each one of them. He sat the can down again and saw that there was a small desk with some blueprints of a bigger garden for the rooftop and little notes with a way to familiar writing. He opened the drawers that are filled with more notes, blueprints, polaroids and a another diary with just a few pages of entrys.

_Dear Diary,_

_I have no idea that I would something like that again..thanks steven but anyway I just came back from this mission and I have to say I am glad that Bucky is in Wakanda. I guess that he really needs more time for himself or whatever. That wasn’t even the reason I want to write in here. I just wanted to say that I started a little project of mine on the rooftop. Yes I spoke with Tony about it but he didn’t really care anyway what I was doing up here soooo Let’s get started._

Next page…

_Steve told me that his friend Bucky would eventually live here soon and I don’t know why but I am excited to see him again. It’s weird because he doesn’t know me but I know him actually a lot. Maybe I even show him this but just if it’s going well._

_I am so proud of myself that I’ve done this. I mean it took a lot of time but I did it I even build the bookshelf myself…I almost cut my finger off in the process but I did it and I still have all of my finger-_

_Can’t wait to sit here again after the next mission_

_Bye_

It was (Y/N)’s garden, he knew it was hers and which seemed like it was her little hide away or something like a project of her. On the drawer stood also a coffee machine and a few empty mugs on the chair laid a blanket and open book, it almost looked like she was just away for one or two days. He could imagine how she would sit here and read book in the middle of the night with the rain making soft sounds in the background, how she would be here until she could see the sunrise from the rooftop of new york. He didn’t knew why he was so obsessed with you but he knew that he had to know more about you.

The sound of Friday on his phone disturbed him once again.

“Ms.(Y/L/N) parents are in the common room waiting for you Mr.Barnes“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback appreciated :)
> 
> xoxo Sophie


	3. The visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Y/N) Parents come by which causes a lot of trouble and they share news with Bucky.

He took one last look around the place and made his way downstairs to greet your parents. Bucky felt extremely nervous to meet your parents. Nothing stood about them in your diary not at all but you often wrote that your team is your family and how much you loved them and little doodles of them like you designed character for a story. The elevator doors opened and saw that Steve, Tony and a few other greeted them with friendly handshakes and pity written over their faces. It wasn’t like a usually welcome, that everybody hugged each other and laughter filled the room, no it was almost silent and darkness filled the whole room. He took a few steps in their direction and held his right hand towards your dad to greet him. 

“Hello Mister (Y/L/N). I am -”  he cut short from your father who had looked rather alarmed and to his left he saw the unhappy eyes of your mother. He saw the look before, more than once. He could feel how the mood changed and that they didn’t saw Bucky or Sergant James Buchanan Barnes, the just saw the Winter Soldier just the monster of Hydra and nothing more. (Y/N)’s father didn’t took his hand. Steven and the other just witnessed the weird scene in front of them. Neither of them dared to say another word.

“I know who you are! Just show us the room.“ he snapped at Bucky. He gulped harshly and showed the way to his room. The followed but alway stayed a few steps back. Steve always told him that it shouldn’t bother him to much but it did. It hurt him that people looked at him like that. 

“Here it is. Steve packed most of the stuff but we didn’t really finished.“ he said to them while the looked around the room. He stayed in the doorway and thought that it would be better to hide his metal arm so he rolled down the sleeves off his hoodie and put his hands in his pockets. Your parents took each one box and Steve helped with two others who was already downstairs.

“Was that everything?“ your father asked coldly. 

“Most of it..but there are still the pictures,books and her desk is full of her stuff too.“ he replied looking around the room. That looked almost the same like before.

“We don’t need that. Come on Susan“ He nodded towards your Mother, Susan, who looked shocked at his comment.

“Frank! We can’t leave that stuff here.“ she put the box down again and walked to one of the pictures and started picking them up one by one. 

“I said we leave that stuff here! I don’t want to see that at our home.“ he said taking the pictures out of Susan’s hands and just threw them into the trash can were the glass shattered. Susan gasped but remained silent as she picked the box up once again and leaves quickly the room. It made his blood boil with pain and anger as he watched how he just threw the picture of you, his daughter away, like it was nothing. 

“Hey! You can’t just leave your daughters stuff here!“ he said raising his voice towards your father who picked up the last box and was about to leave the room again.

“She isn’t my daughter anymore. Not since she joined this idiotic group and died because she was too stubborn to listen!“ he shouted and leaved Bucky alone. He clenched his jaw and took the pictures out of the trash again to put them into their place again. How could they or mostly your father don’t care about his daughter who saved the world for a living and you didn’t die, you are still very much alive just not really responsable and sick even when you would have died on this mission you would have died as a hero and you would get the recognition for that. 

You would be honored and not treated like this from your own parents who really should be proud of you instead of the way they are treating you right now. He slammed the door shut and laid down on his bed closing his eyes and trying to calm down a little bit. He felt more and more tired until he finally felt into a deep slumber. The next day he decided to visit you. That would be the last thing he could do. He asked himself if your parents even saw you once since you laid in coma. He took a quick shower after his morning run and decided to visit you now since it is still early and it wouldn’t cause too much trouble and attention. 

He asked the first nurse he saw where you laid and made his way through the halls. Room 117, 118, 119 and last but not least room number 120. He almost didn’t recognise you as he watched you from outside. You are hooked up to multiple machines and Iv’s are connected in your arm. The glass door opened and heard the beeping of your heart monitor filling the room which was filled with flowers, cards and a few stuffed animals.Must be from the team since no one other is coming here. He took the seat besides you and just looked at you for a while still taking in how different you looked from the pictures and stories he heard. 

You just looked pale and lifeless instead of joyful and happiness like in your pictures. You looked lovely in his eyes but it still hurt him seeing you like this after how he imagined you. Bucky slowly leaned towards and hesitated to take your hand but he did it anyway and carefully took you hand in his one. It was much colder and smaller than his one. He quickly let go of your hand and turned around as he heard how the glass door opened again , he felt like he is being caught with something, your mother stepped in. One of the last person he expected to see here. She looked surprised to Bucky and back to you. 

“I’m sorry. Just wanted to see her before our flight goes off“ she explained and came up to your side. 

“-I-I wanted to apologize for yesterday too. Frank shouldn’t have done this.“ she mumbled and continued watching you. 

“He should apologize for that, not you ma’am.“ 

“I know but he’s not the same anymore since she…- since that happened“ she sniffled and let go of your hand again to take a seat. 

“He never like it that she worked for Tony Stark or that she put her live in risk. She was always strong and talented but we didn’t thought that she would want to be an Avenger neither that she would actually do it-“ she paused and wiped a few tears away before she continued.”- he just visited her once and then never again. I do it from time to time, if I have the time. I am really proud of her and she will die as a hero.” Bucky furrowed his brows and looked to Susan. 

“What do you mean with that?“ he asked confused.

“We decided it’s the best to turn them off“ she said looking down. He couldn’t believe that they are wanted to do that. You’re fine and not braindead or something else, you just need more time to recover that’s all. He read your file before he came here and he isn’t a doctor but he knew just enough to know than that it’s a stupid decision to just to pull the plug like it is nothing. 

“That’s the wrong decision Ms.(Y/L/N). (Y/N) isn’t dead yet, she is alive and she just needs more time“ he tried to make her change her mind but she stood up again to leave. 

“Please don’t do it! It’s wrong. She is still a hero and your daughter and you just want to let her die?“ he replied and almost yelled. 

“James you can’t change mind, it hurts for us as much as it hurts for all of you.“ She leaves the room but Bucky quickly sprinted after her following her towards the elevators. Getting glances from doctor and nurses while doing that.

“I don’t think that you actually care as much about her as we do. I don’t know a lot of her but we are her family and it’s wrong to take her away from us“ he stammered and stopped as she stepped into the elevator not saying one last single word. He had do something about it. Did the team even knew about it or was he the one who had to tell the news…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback appreciated :)
> 
> xoxo Sophie


	4. News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky shares the news with the team but to much to his dismay…

As the elevator doors closed again with the final look of your mother. He ran all the stairs up until he came to the common area again. Already greeted by the confused faces from Sam and Steve. Still breathing heavy he managed to breath out “Everyone in the meeting room. Now!”. Just a few minutes later he found himself pacing and back in forth waiting for his last teammate to arrive finally, of course Sam had to be the one everyone is waiting for. He wouldn’t say he hates him but he does. As the glass the doors finally opened and Sam came strolling in, he just shot him an glare.

“Ok. Ok. I am here now, what do you wanna talk about?“ he asked annoyed and takes a seat between Steve and Natasha.

“So I just was visiting (Y/N) and her mother came too-“ he began but got already cut off.

The faces of his fellow teammates already looking down uncomfortable just because he is talking about you.

“What? Why?“ Steve asked looking slightly concerned.

“N-No reason..-so anyway we talked for a bit and she told me that she just wants to turn off the machines in two months. We have to do something about it.. I-I mean we can’t let that happen….right?“ he stuttered and stopped pacing around, looking up again. Shocked and confused he looked around the table. There wasn’t shock like he expected written over their faces, just sadness. Clearly that isn’t the reaction he thought he would get.

“We already knew that“ Tony sighed out from the corner he is sitting in. Bucky is now the one who is confused and shocked that they first of all didn’t tell him about it.

“Why aren’t we doing something then?“ Bucky asked. He hated that most of them just remained silent. He hated that even if there is still hope that they still just sit around and do nothing. Nothing is the worst you can do.

“We can’t do anything because (Y/N) wanted it like this Barnes“ Natasha explained to him.

“Doesn’t stand in that stuff she signed that if there is no hope for being in a better state then they can turn it off? or am I wrong that there is still hope?!“ he raised his voice and finally took a seat at the end of the table.

“No there isn’t. She signed it for 10 months and if she isn’t better til then well..“ Wanda spoke up, stopping at the end of her sentence because she probably didn’t want to speak it out loud.

“NO..Why don’t you get it. I am trained for stuff like this and I know there is still hope…Maybe that sounds stupid but I can feel it“ he almost yelled upset that they didn’t understood what he is trying to say. That they just give up like you idiotic parents do. “Buck you should calm down again. We have really good educated doctors here and if they say there isn’t any hope than I think they are right even if you don’t want to hear it“ Steve tried to say in a calm voice but he couldn’t listen right now so he stood up and is about to leave the room but stopped at the door. He was about to open his mouth to say something but he just leaved it be this way and made his way back towards your room. Not hearing anyone call after him or running after him. Is better like this anyway he thought, not wanting to hear more of their excuses.

The elevator drive downstair felt endless for him, his mind kept running around ideas how to change their minds, how to stop the one thing everyone else seems to agree with but he can’t. The doors opened and he heard already that something is going on. It isn’t as calm or silent as it normally was. No Doctors and nurses came rushing past him and into a room. Not any room it had to be yours. His feet began to move faster and faster until he stopped in front of the glass doors. They stood around your bed, one doctor trying to receive you and the other nurses gave you different medications. Bucky couldn’t move for this one moment as finally the room atmosphere began to calm down again. He just heard the doctor saying that you are stable again and finally he could breathe again like he was holding it the whole time, it were just a moment, a few seconds but it felt like an hour he stood there and watched them trying to get you back. The people leaving your room again and rushing past him, not even noticing him.

He stepped into the room, closed the doors and took the seat besides you.Taking your hand in his again whipering mostly to him self little things he wanted to do.

°°°°°

It is dark and you felt completely numb. You tried to move or to open your eyes but neither of it worked. You began to panic and tried to think of the last thing you remembered. Your remember Steve, Natasha, Wanda and Tony talking with you in the jet. Bruce listening to music with his eyes closed and Clint flying the jet. You remember people you had to save…your last mission, the bombs, the last yelling and sobbing you heard. You knew exactly what you felt. You could feel the explosion sending you backwards, how your head hit a wall and how you blacked out for a second until you opened your eyes for just second and you saw the black smoke came rushing in your direction, it filled your lungs and you blacked out again. You couldn’t wake up after that, the pain extremely high in you whole body. You heard voices mostly from Steve and Tony. You could hear others sobbing and crying, recognizing them from your teammates. It hurt to hear your family in pain but then everything stopped. The voices stopped talking, your body began to relax and the pain stopped. It’s over you thought relieved and finally you could open your eyes, at first blended from a bright light but as the light stopped to burn you knew it isn’t over because you made it. You didn’t wake up in a bed with you friends by your side, flowers and presents decorating the room. Neither of that is there or where ever you are. You woke up in a dark room on the floor. It wasn’t really a room since everything is just black and nothing more. Darkness and nothing more.

“Hello?!!“ you shouted and in each direction, no response.You started to run as fast as you could, hoping that you ran at least into a wall that this is just a really dark room and that you are save, that you could see your family again. But nothing came, you just kept running and running around until you gave up. You broke down and started hugging your legs. The first tears rolling down your cheeks and you didn’t held back anymore. Letting everything out what else could you do anyway. You want to go home. You already missed Steve showing you his picture he drew from the team and other things like Peggy or Bucky. Wanda and Natasha who you often had a girls night with. Sam who helped you prank the others and you ended up on he floor laughing. Being in the lab with Tony and Bruce trying to learn at least a few more simple things or just to watch them work. Clint and his family you sometimes visited. Or Bucky. Yes you even thought about him. You knew that he is supposed to join the team someday and the mission you had with him or about him. You felt so excited to meet him after what Steve always said about him and some books you read or the stuff you already knew from the smithsonian, even thinking about the possibility to throw a welcome home party for him in 40′s style let you smile a little.

You forgot how long you are sitting in this void but you felt something warm around your hand, raising your head you wiped your eyes and looked at you hand. There was nothing it just felt warm and suddenly the dark room began to brighten up. Nothing else happened after this just the calming heat around your hand like someone is holding it. The brightness began to fade again just like the warmness around your hand. You started worry again, still confused about everything that is happening. Suddenly you could hear mixed up voices who got louder and louder, still not really clear but you could hear them talking. You didn’t understood what they are saying but it’s definitely a female, more high pitched voice and another male, more deep voice. You didn’t thought about it anymore and started screaming at the top of your lungs for help and for them to come back. To send some kind of signal. That you are there too. That you are alive and they just had to help you somehow.

A sharp pain deep inside you let you stop and you could feel how the pain just grew from second to second. It stopped a few times but after then some kind of electric shock is being send through your body. You began to black out again but you didn’t hit the ground. Now it’s just black again. No room, pain, voices or a light.

You felt so confused and lonely, just wanting to turn back time and listen to Steve for a goddamn second and get out of there before anything of that could had happen. You stopped thinking about other possibilities, something you could do different or how you could save yourself but you noticed how you felt you heart beating and how your body breathed in and out. Not because you did it, you just could feel your body again. The warmness around your hand came back too but now not just any heat, you could feel another hand squeezing lightly yours and the thump stroking over your knuckles. You realised that you couldn’t be dead if you felt all of this. You still couldn’t move anything but that is enough for the beginning and then a voice spoke up, one you could understand what it is saying.

“I’ll find a way…I’ll find a way (Y/N)“ you began to remember the voice, his voice but it couldn’t be true.

“-I promise I keep you safe like you did for me..”

You were sure now. Still not truly believing it but it is him.

It’s Bucky who is sitting besides you. Now you just had to find a way to wake up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback appreciated :)
> 
> xoxo Sophie


	5. Trapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> your teammates visit you, Wanda tries something which ends not as expected…

Over the next time after you started to notice your surroundings again. You noticed when the nurses and doctor came in to check on you. You could hear Wanda telling you Stories about what is happening at the time and from what it sounds like, you are longer than just a few days in here. Steve came in and read parts of favorite book out loud. Tony came not that often and when he did he just sat in the chair and held your hand, he didn’t talk much but you knew it’s him. You didn’t know why but Tony like a father figure for you and it hurt that you couldn’t just hug him and say everything’s fine, it’s hurting him a lot even if he isn’t showing it. Peter came too and told stories from his day and how amazing he felt if he could help someone. Nat came usually with Wanda in your room. They always discussed what they could do and well Bucky is pretty much always here. You weren’t even sure if he was gone for just a minute to stuff like eat again or sleep in a bed. 

He always held your hand, he told you stuff too and maybe he didn’t know that you could hear him but you could. You also heard his soft snoring if he fell asleep, he often just grumbles stuff in his sleep or when he told you that he read your diaries and how he felt about them. Steve came in often looking after Bucky that he ate something and slept long enough. It’s funny to hear them talk like a old married couple and sometimes you almost forgot in which situation you where in. That you couldn’t hug any of them, neither tell them stuff, make sure that they are ok too. You realised that you never officially met Bucky just this one time one the bench and after that was it all just spying on him or him sitting besides your hospital bed with you inside of it in a coma. 

Another day trapped inside of your body felt like you are in hell. It wasn’t just that you just laid in one spot twenty-four hours a day. The pain is really real too. It’s felt like your whole body is under extreme pressure all day, the pain hurt sometimes so bad that not even the medication helped. You couldn’t describe it but it’s like being tortured with something inside of you that didn’t stop trying to break out. You knew that sometimes you saw the black smoke coming at you again and then you couldn’t hear or feel anything again, your body hurting even more after that happens. Each day since you started to feel again you thought that you are slowly waking up again and that is just start but out of the first few hours got, days and then weeks and now it just feels like the start of your death. That this is your last chance to hear your friends and family voices. But this is worse than death. It hurts way more to hear Wanda sobbing and crying besides you, tony’s silence and Sam’s still stupid jokes that didn’t help brightening the mood. Steve talking to you like you are passing away in a second and it hurt hearing Bucky and not being able to talk to him or any of them. 

Another day and it felt like hours since someone was there. All you could hear is Bucky’s snoring in his chair and his hand holding your, another thing what you thought about is why he never gave you his metal hand. You thoughts stopped as your heard the door slide open and Bucky slightly stir. 

“Hey James“ 

It’s Wanda again. You like having her here and talk to you and sometimes it even felt like the old times but still just you being actually there is missing. 

“You wanna maybe shower again? It’s kinda long ago since the last time“ she said chuckling a little. A sound you didn’t hear often in the past time. 

“Thanks for being so subtle but yeah I’ll go..“ he held you hands for a few more seconds before you could feel the comfortable warmness of his hand leaving your cold one. Wanda took his place and pushed the chair a little closer to your bed. She took your hand and suddenly this weird pain came back even more intense in your hand. You could feel her hand snapping back and the smoke came back. The voices vanished and the pain grew from second to second. What felt like hours for you, you came back just a minute later. The medication you got again erasing the pain at least a little bit, voices became louder again and you could feel the surroundings again. You recognized the voices who yelled around the room as Wanda, Bucky, Tony and Steve. 

“I didn’t do anything Tony!! I just touched her hand. Bucky does this for weeks and suddenly if I touch her I do something wrong??!“ Wanda shouted with a more hurt in her voice than anger. 

“Why don’t you try to use your magic and look in her head like you did with me?”  Bucky’s voice broke through the shouting of your friends. 

“She tried and it didn’t work.“ Steve explained sighing. 

You never noticed that she tried, if she would try it than she could read your mind and she would have know that you are kinda awake again. Maybe that’s your chance if she just would try again. That’s your way out. Wanda. 

“Then try again?“ Bucky asked Wanda sounding now more pleasing than before. 

“I could hurt her. I told you that too and she nearly died as I touched her hand.” you heard her whispering. She is afraid but this is your only chance and you trust her. She is way more strong than she thinks and had it under control so why not. Now you also knew that feeling that came when the voices stopped, it is the feeling of dying. 

“Try it again and don’t hurt her.“ Tony spoke up and you heard the doors sliding open closed again. You understood why he didn’t really wanted to see it. You felt the bed shifting- Wanda now sitting besides you and she brought both of her hands close to your head. The red leaving her fingertips and her eyes started to glow red. Bucky watched everything close, his whole body tensing as he just waited for some kind of sign he hoped Wanda would find of you being alive. Anything that could help would make him happy. 

“I can feel her again..Normally there was always nothing but silence“ Wanda mumbled still concentrating on what she is doing. Bucky and Steve stepped closer to her bed and his smile just grew. He knew it, he knew you are still in there. He took a glance of Steve who had as much hope as he did written over his face. 

“I can hear her think but something is blocking her voice“ he could see that she it’s getting harder and harder for her to hold it. The red became brighter and stronger. She used every strength she had and he took a step back again, not really knowing if it isn’t getting out of control. 

“Wanda..“ Steve said worried looking at her fighting to get inside your head but he just got cut off of her

“-No I can do this! She is in there!“ she raised her voice using everything she has. 

“Something is wrong“ is the last thing she got out before her red turned into a deep dark, the lights and glass exploded. Everything happened so fast but as Steve saw that the dark that came from you and fought it’s way against Wanda’s powers he jumped to her and dragging her away from you, Steve with Wanda and Bucky behind them sprinted out of the room and around the corner before the room literally exploded. Everything shattered, Steve and Wanda could hide behind the wall but Bucky took the explosion and flew into a wall. Black smoke left your room, like a bomb just took off. Wanda blacked out as soon as she got dragged away. Bucky came shortly after back to consciousness and sat up feeling a sharp pain in his leg. A big piece of glass stuck in his leg, blood already straining his jeans. Steve laid Wanda on a bed and looked after a few others. He could see Tony, Bruce and Natasha running in their direction. 

For a moment he forgot what even happened but then he stood back up and stumbled in your room. Before he could even enter, Natasha’s arm stopped him. “We don’t know what happened and what the smoke is about. You shouldn’t go in there..at least not yet!“ his urge to go to to you was stronger but he also knew that she is right and nodded stepping away. One last glance in your room, the smoke already gone, you looked like nothing happened. Still not awake. His hope from before faded again but he had to know what Wanda saw so he made his way toward the bed she laid in. Steve still discussed everything with Tony and the rest. Dozens of agents in special uniform came in locking this place up and asked him to step away. They stepped into your room like you are an atomic bomb and treated you like this. He wanted to protest but knew that it wouldn’t hepl either of them after what just happened. He slowly stumbled to Wanda bed and sat on the side trying not to put to much pressure on his wounded leg.

“Wanda..- Wanda wake up!“ he said lightly nuding her shoulder. She slowly came back and opened her eyes again. She winced in pain and held her head in her hands. 

“You alright?-..What did you saw? What happened?“ he asked again after she calm down again. 

“Yeah kind off….I- I never felt this before, it was so strong and I..- I don’t know how to describe it“ she sat up with the help of Bucky, looking down confused and almost scared. 

“What is it?“ he asked as she looked like she is in pain. 

“It felt like death in there…She is still there but around her it’s just dark and it feels like you are dying if you try to fight it.“ She explained to him and told him what she saw. Bucky’s leg got treated and shortly after Tony called a meeting and Wanda told them what she saw again. They all came to the decision that you are indeed still alive but just because Wanda saw it didn’t mean that she is a doctor and that doesn’t also changes the fact that in a month you machines are getting turned off. No one said another word as Tony explained that they still can’t do anything against it since you agreed and signed this. Everyone left the room again to go to their rooms since it’s already late. Bucky left to his own room but stopped in front of the door. 

“Friday?“ he asked silently, hoping that no one heard him. 

“Yes Sergeant Barnes?“ the AI replied. 

“Where did they brought (Y/N)?” he asked again. 

“Room 569.“ he furrowed his brows in confusion, that wasn’t the medical bay anymore that is a room almost on the rooftop. He turned around and ran towards the elevators and to your room. The elevator stopped on the floor to your room. The hallway is silent but in the distance he still could hear voices. He followed them and looked carefully around the corner. A huge open space with an glass cage in the middle was everything that is in this room. Just a few Agents still in heavily uniform surrounded the cage, doctors too. As he looked closely to the container, he could see you handcuffed to the bed and an metal collar around your neck. Steve told him about it after he saved Wanda from the prison. It must be the same. He knew you wouldn’t be getting better if you are in a prison and he also couldn’t visit you. It’s already late and he knew that it’s a stupid idea that just crossed his mind but he decided to do it anyway. For you, he made his way towards the agents, knocked each one of them out. Nothing more. After the last one hit the ground he took one of the card that opened the “cell“…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback appreciated :)
> 
> xoxo Sophie


	6. Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks everyone loved to think about and it’s time…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing is over yet ;)

“Back off Bucky!“ Steve’s voice broke through the darkness. Bucky snapped his head towards his direction and saw him walking out of the shadows. He stopped what he was trying to do and stepped away from your bed.

“Steve I am just trying to help that she doesn’t get from anyone else here!“ he replied harshly and looked Steve dead into his eyes. Steve looked around the place where still the unconscious guards laid. 

“Like this? You want to help her even if you hurt other people“ Steve pointed out and stepped through the mass of people to get to Bucky who just looked disappointed to the floor and back to you. 

“- I want to help her to but if you wanted to unhook her from all of this she won’t get better, she is going to die and then you wouldn’t feel better too.“ Steve told Bucky in his Captain America voice or as you like to say “Dad voice”.

He is kinda right but he couldn’t listen. Not with you being in this circumstances.“She is going to die anyway if I don’t try anything!“ he shouted suddenly overwhelmed by his anger

“Right. (Y/N) is going to die and we can’t do anything. She is part of this family and it hurts as much for us as as it does for you but we tried everything that is possible after that happened, nothing worked. I know you like her buck but you should accept it and let go.“ he stepped closer to him and pulled him out of the room, closed the big glass door again and asked friday to bring someone up here to help the people, who Bucky knocked out.

He maybe didn’t realise it but you are for Steve the little Sister he never got.

***Flashback***

“Hey Steve wanna bet that I’ll get you this time?“ you asked him playfully while stretching a bit more for the run against Captain America. You always tried to bet with him in things you even knew that he is certainly stronger of faster than you are but it couldn’t hurt.

“(Y/N) for the last time no“ he chuckled from the bench he is sitting on. The sun just began to rise as you stood with him on one of many training places.

“Come one Steve…I’ll do the dishes for the next two weeks. You can’t say no to this because I know that you lost against Sam and you have to do them for the next four weeks so I’ll take the other half.“ you smirked because you knew him to well. He couldn’t say no, he hates doing the dishes.

“Ok (Y/N). Let’s go.“ he jumped up from the bench and stood besides you.

“Ready?“ you asked and got in position, ready to beat him this one time. If you would actually made it then you would never try again you said to yourself.

You just wanted to beat Captain America aka Steve Rogers for one time.

He started counting down and as he said one you began to ran just crosswise over the field. Steve didn’t notice at first but as he turned the first corner he saw you almost at the end already. He began to ran faster and faster and no time he is behind you again but not this time you thought and ran faster too with the last strength you had, running through the finish line. Steve came up besides you and sat down on the bench while you felt like you could pass out on the ground.

“That wasn’t really fair” he said and gave you a water bottle.

“Thanks. First of all that was my only chance and we didn’t say anything 

about cheating so I won” you told proudly and took a sip of the water.

“Touche but still unfair.” he stood up and stretched his hand out, helping you off the ground. 

“-but I still won“ you chuckled and together you made your way back home.

***End of flashback***

Steve made sure that Bucky got to his room and also stayed in it. As he got to his room Natasha came out of her room too.

“Just one week left-” she reminded him and he just nodded sadly.

“Barnes is right. I think we should do something against her parents or at least try?” Nat continued hoping to motivate him a bit. No one wanted to accept this easily but somehow they knew there is no way out.

“Nat we can’t and you know it. Buck just needs to accept it too” he said and  with one disapproval look of her, he left her in the hallway by herself. Nat always was and always gonna be coldly towards a few people but as you came around she learned to live in a family again which wasn’t really common for her or the rest of the team including Hill and Fury.

***Flashback***

After a way to long mission with the whole team, you got a little more time off than normally and you thought it would be great to have a vacation with your friend since you didn’t really stop training, missions and observation for the past six months. The day after the mission wasn’t even over and you expected that everyone would just sleep in but no the kitchen, common room and the rooms of your fellow colleagues were empty. Friday told you that Tony is already in the lab with Bruce, Nat is training with Steve and Sam, Wanda has her own room to train, well Clint is with his Family at least someone did it, Peter is still in school and Thor is somewhere in Asgard doing stuff.

Would you work another half year like this you are sure that it would drive you crazy so you decided to take things in your own hands. First stop is the training room.

“Hey guys! Go get ready we are taking a vacation!“ you told them and they all stopped and looked at you confused.

“Do you know what vacation means?“ you giggled. Sam was the first one who got off his treadmill and ran out of the room. That was the response you wanted to see.

“Where? Did you even ask Tony?“ Nat looked at you suspicious. She knew right away that you didn’t.

“Well not yet but I’m gonna ask him now“ with that you the left the room again and sprinted towards the Lab.

Just as you thought, you found him like the usually. The room covered in notes and mechanical stuff laying all over the place with Tony who needed at least twelve hours of sleep, a shower and a coffee in his hands which wasn’t by far his first one. Bruce wasn’t there but you would find him too.

“(Y/N) good to see you..Wanna help?” he asked looking up from his tablet.

“No Tony but I think we should take a break which includes you and I already let the rest know. All I need is a jet and your house in L.A..“ you told stepping closer to him and took the tablet and coffee from his but just to make sure he really listened to you.

“-Pepper could come too and I’m sure she is gonna love this idea!“ you added.

“Ok but just if I get another coffee and my tablet back“ you squealed and gave the stuff back to him.

“Thank you Tony. I’ll the rest know“ you kissed him on his cheek and sprinted again out of the room to let everyone know.

After like three hours of managing to gather around, help packing the stuff the need, you literally dragging Tony and Bruce out their rooms and getting everything in the jet you finally could take off and after another four hours of flying you got to Tony’s extravagant house.

The next day you laid with Wanda, Pepper, Tony and Nat at the beach. Sam and Steve are playing around in the water, Tony is passed out, Pepper is reading a book and Wanda is trying to get a tan. You just finished your second cocktail as Nat looked over to you and took of her sunglasses.

“That was a really f´good idea (Y/N). You were right, we needed it.” she said happily and stood up to join Steve and Sam.

***End of Flashback***

The week went by faster than expected. Everyone tried to spend as much time as they could by your side. The guards still by your side and you still in this cage wasn’t really good to look at but Fury made sure it stays this way since no one really knew what happened. Til know there are know explanations of the explosion or the black smoke Wanda told them about. All they knew or at least told them is that it’s a risk to stay anywhere near you. Tony only could talk him out of it that they would take you away on your last months.

Now they all stood around your bed, the cage got removed for your last minutes. Silence filled the whole room just your heart monitor made sounds. The others already shut down. Bucky had melt down as they started to turn them off but broke down as he was told that he either stayed or had to leave the room.

Even Thor came back from Asgard. Your parents where there for like 10 minutes to sign a few papers but your father ended up convincing your mother to go afterwards and that’s what they did. Steve talked with them for half an hour trying to do something but it didn’t help. It also didn’t help the atmosphere in the room. Bucky sat by your side and held your hand looking more disappointed in himself and tears welling in his eyes. Wanda sat on the opposite side, sobbing quietly but couldn’t touch your hand since no one was sure what could happen. The rest either stood, leaned against a wall or sat down. The whole procedure took hours but neither of them leaved the room once.

Friday told them if your heart rate slowed down or your other vital informations from time to time. The time from when it happened to right now just went by in a glimpse. Things happened and changed. The hope about you waking up faded and the only one who believed in you was Bucky who now also just waited for the single line on your heart monitor.

You still felt them by your side, they didn’t talk but you felt Bucky’s hand stroking over yours. Thor’s heavy steps that paced up and down. Wanda’s sobbing or Steve nervously tapping his foot. Pepper took an early flight to spend also some time by your side. She told you a few things about the mission and the people you saved. Just a few stories like the pregnant women you saved and now got a little baby boy, a young boy who could graduate among others or from the people who got captured where most of them Shield agents with families and they had the chance to see them again.

You felt how it got harder to breathe and your heart slowly stopped to beat. The painkiller the gave you helped a little bit but it still feels painful. The bright light began to surround you again, sounds and feelings faded. Everything felt warm and more comfortable.

The silence stopped as the final and last long beeping started. Bruce turned the sound off. Everyone now looked at you.

 

At 9 pm on a Friday night (Y/N) (Y/L/N) died as a hero.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback appreciated :)
> 
> xoxo Sophie


	7. The unknown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky has trouble letting go, you wake up again and the beginning of something beautiful and the unknown…

It just felt like seconds as the light enclosed you but as you came back you heard the voices again just much more clearer. Bucky and Steve’s voices. One of their hands tightly wrapped around yours but what confused you more is that Bucky is even here. The last time you remembered him in Wakanda and he is supposed to join the team in a few months. Maybe you are longer out then you thought you would be, the last things you remember are the mission, the bombs and your family but after that you blacked out and more wasn’t there. 

“Bucky we should go now. It’s been hours and we can’t let her lie here forever.“ Steve explained to him softly. 

Your hands are cold as ice and the colour drained even more from your skin after monitor showed him the flatline. He didn’t want to let go but knew he had to. He couldn’t be this obsessed with you even after your death. He stood up while still holding you hand, looking back to you just to memorize your face for the last time. Steve waited with the guards besides him also waiting for him to leave and he were about to let go but he felt you hand grabbing his. His mind must have made this up. His eyes widened as you grip got tighter. 

“Steve..“ he mumbled but didn’t dare to look back to him. He just stared at your intertwined hands with a shocked expression. 

“Come on Bucky. Just let go“ his voice still mostly whispering as Steve stepped closer to Bucky and grabbed his shoulder lightly but as he turned him around a bit he noticed his state. 

“Buck? What is it?“ he asked worried about him. 

“Look..she holds my hand“ he told him and Steve looked back to your hands but not with the response he thought he would get. 

“That’s can happen after..someone died. It’s normal.“ he replied disappointed. They started to argue more and more about rather it’s normal or not. 

Suddenly everything became to get more clear again. You could move your toes and your finger more and more. Your hand hold Bucky’s tighter hoping he would catch up. It’s time to wake up you thought and then your eyes shot open and you inhaled a sharp breath. Confronted with the shocked faces of Steve and Bucky. Everyone just stared at you and then the guards came running to you and pulled Steve and Bucky away from you. All of that happened so fast and now guns were pointed at you, the room lights up red and they started to yell at you. 

As Bucky saw you waking up his heart literally skipped a beat and everything just stopped working. Your eyes went for a second completely black but turned back to normal. Still unsure if that is a dream or not he got pulled back with Steve from the guards and just landed with a thud on the floor, the lights turned red and a alarm sounded through the room. The guards surrounded your bed with guns pointing at you who tried to sat up from your bed. He still couldn’t believe that he saw you awake…or not? He wasn’t sure since he just saw you die a few hours ago. 

You slowly lifted your arms in surrender as you were told and stood up from the bed. Your legs just gave in and the hurt slightly as you fell down just like you forgot to walk. Everything just became to much and the first tears welled in your eyes. 

“S-Steve..?“ you tried to say but you throat felt like you didn’t drink for a straight year. Steve finally stepped in and after multiple times he got the guard to lower the guns again even if they highly disagreed with it. He slowly got to you and lifted you up just hugging you at first shortly and then sat you down on your bed again. 

“Friday? Call everyone up here as soon as possible!“ he said in the dad voice you missed so much and looked back to Bucky who is now back to his feet just watching the scene in front of him. Not even a minute later doctors came sprinting in and also Tony, Nat, Wanda and the rest mostly stopping shocked. Tony came closer and closer as he just smiled with tears in his eyes and leaned over to hug you tightly.

“Don’t do this again!“ he mumbled in your ear and let go again. Wanda came next and you already opened your arms but didn’t came closer. 

“What?” you asked smiling, still confused about everything and about her attitude. The tears didn’t stop and then Nat came into your sight but before she could reach you Bucky just stumbled through the crown and hugged you, almost taking your breath away. You didn’t even know him this much and also never knew that he is normally that close with people he doesn’t even really know but something just felt familiar and you hugged him back just as tight. All you worries faded as the rest hugged and greeted you too. 

Bruce came a little later strolling in still in work clothes even if it’s obviously dark outside and almost everyone is dressed in their pyjamas. He send the team and guards out again just a few doctors and nurses stayed to check you up. You didn’t know why everyone is this emotional about you being back even more Bucky but you missed them too. Still something didn’t felt right. 

“(Y/N) welcome back. Good to see you!“ he told you firstly and hugged you just like the other did before he nodded for the nurses to come over to do their check up.

“Can you finally tell me what happened?” you asked finally Bruce hopefully for an answer. 

“Well you laid in coma after the mission and that pretty long so because you signed this paper where stands to turn the machines off after your wish and that’s what we did…You passed away yesterday (Y/N) or we thought you did. We don’t really know yet what happened.” he tried to explain it to you in a softer voice knowing how it must sound to you. 

“I-I passed away??..How long was I out?” your voice started to crack again and your head began to hurt. Not really believing everything. 

“Like 10 months.” he just told you straight away and as you opened your mouth to ask more Steve came back in. 

“At least you didn’t wake up after seventy year” he chuckled and hugged you again. It is probably the first time that he made a joke about it, it must have been bad if he did that.

“Very funny Steve. How long is Bucky even here? Is he ok?” you asked slightly changing the subject before you thought about the fact that you were gone for this long. Steve looked now way happier than as you saw him before. Still different but still the Steve you used to know. 

“Yeah he is good. He has your room now but we’ll figure it out. Just concentrate on recovery” he turned back to Bruce and pulled him a little over to the side but you could still hear them.  

“Does she know?“ you heard Steve ask Bruce who just shook had head and nodded over to the nurses to do a check up. He thought that you didn’t notice but you always got your way to find things out you aren’t supposed to find out.

“Should I know something Steven?“ you asked and Steve knew that if you used that name that you were probably mad or just curious.

“There was a little accident but we’ll figure that out too“ he assured you but it didn’t change much if he said it like this. Before you could ask again you got interrupted by the doctor who asked you different questions and told you what to do. The nurses did everything they had to do and a young women checked your heartbeat she just looked confused and a little bit shocked. That kinda look is that could make you freak out.

“Dr. Banner I think you should check this.” she said looking back to him and handed him the stethoscope over. 

“What is it?“ you asked worried looking between Bruce and Steve. 

“Uhm..nothing. I could guess you are hungry?” he did it again. There had to be something if the nurse and Bruce shared the same expression but he was also right about the fact that you are hungry.

“Yes! Please“ you replied and as he turned to Steve again and told him something that was to inaudible for you he had this look on his face and Steve too. Something didn’t felt right. Bucky just stayed in the corner while the rest came walking in and out to talk more with you. Sometimes you would catch him glancing at you and you weren’t how to start a conversation with him but as soon as you tried the door would just open again. Bruce came finally back with your food after a what felt like an eternity. 

“I didn’t really know what I should get you so I just took everything I saw you would like“ he explained and showed you the bags he brought with him. You smiled because all of the things he got you were mostly smoothies, salads, sandwiches and the other bag just full with candy, muffins and chocolate. Bucky who just made his way towards the door to leave you alone stopped as you called his name out. 

“I just thought that maybe you wanna stay and eat something too?..Just if you want to“ you mumbled the last part nervously and he smiled finally and nodded. 

“Yes sure..” he replied and sat on the chair he used to sit in. Steve didn’t want to tell him what is wrong after he and Bruce came out of the room again. He understood why but still not a good enough reason to not tell him. 

“Let’s see what we have..Do you either want a sandwich or a muffin or-” you asked him, looking through the bags and he could feel how his smile grew each second you talked with him. Maybe the first moments of your conversations were uncomfortable but as soon as he sat down it was like you knew each other for years. He talked with you like he is used to Steve or even more intimate. That is just the start and both of you knew that there is more than just comfortable talks. You could almost say that you are soulmates, that you are supposed to find each other and neither of you even expected it. Bucky didn’t thought he would get this feeling again after all this years but here he is with a big smile on his face, a familiar and long lost feeling in his chest that just grew everytime you would smile or giggle or just how you would listen closely to him if he said something. How you fiddled with your fingers if you got nervous. All that and more he couldn’t get enough off. 

“Bruce? or Tony, you have an explanation for that yet?“ Natasha asked coming into the Lab with the familiar sight of Tony and Bruce discussing things over and over again, to caught up with their technic than everything around them. Bruce finally looked up and just sighed and looked to Tony if he had an explanation. 

“Penny for your thoughts?“ Wanda joined them finally needing and answer for things that happened and how you are still alive. 

“(Y/N) is playing the walking dead right now..“ Tony said gulping harshly and Wanda just shot him an glance not really catching what he is trying to say. 

“..her heart isn’t beating and we don’t know why“ Bruce explained what Tony was trying to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback appreciated :)
> 
> xoxo Sophie


	8. Searching for answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team looks after an explantion, you have Problems with a certain guard and all of you visit a friend trying to find help…(filler chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's really short...

Three weeks are already over since you woke up again. Your friends visited you daily and even as good as they are trying to hide it something was still bothering them. The only one who acted normal around you is Bucky and are so happy to get to know him. Sometime it’s feels like you already know him for a long time. Well you kinda do but that was just a mission. Most of the guards left but you are still trapped into the bed..Captain’s order. The room felt like already like it gets smaller each day and you are sure that you are going crazy the more you are in this bed. 

“Steve! Finally you are here. Can I please get out of this bed and come down to you guys?“ you said with puppy eyes as Steve came in with Bucky by his side. 

“(Y/N) I don’t think you are ready to go out again“ he sighed out. The truth sadly was that you are not allowed to leave this bed on Fury’s order and that you had guards by your side 24/7. He didn’t like it either but he already tried his best to let look normal until they would figure out what is wrong with you. Bucky didn’t know either which was much worse to hide but it wouldn’t be good if he would know. Steve could just imagine what would happen and how he would react. 

“Please Steve!! You guys aren’t really often here and Craig over there is no fun…Look-” you pointed to the guard that stood by your side all the time and since the day he came in he didn’t say a single word. No matter how much you tried. He would just yell at you if you would try to leave the bed. He even wanted to go with you to the bathroom, but you didn’t let him obviously. 

“-Hey Craig!-“ no response, he just looked deadly in front of him. “How is your day Craig?“ again no response. You looked back to Steve with a knowing look, he just chuckled and responded. 

“Well he is doing his job so let him be“ he said smiling widely. 

“Craig is an asshole“ you mumbled and maybe you acted childish but you really needed fresh air and your friends back. You are already desperate. 

“Language!“ he replied with the voice you loved the most. His Dad voice. 

Steve told you that he would ask the others again and call Fury again. Hopefully he could talk you out of this hell. Bucky stayed a little longer as always. Which you would appreciate a lot since Craig isn’t the guy who talk a lot. 

“Do you know why everyone is avoiding something when they are around me?“ you asked Bucky. Both of you sitting on your bed. 

“No..Do you really think that they are hiding something from you?“ he asked back. You just shrugged you shoulder and stayed silent for a moment. 

In a week or two it would be Christmas and all you wanted is to decorate the rooms since no one really did that or the one time were Sam tried to decorate it but decided to prank everyone and do an easter themed christmas party out of it. You didn’t even manage to buy anything. You felt even worse to know that you missed all the birthdays and special days were they maybe even felt worse too because you weren’t there with them. 

“I think (Y/N) should be really get her room back.“ Bucky said firmly as he stepped into the room. Natasha, Wanda, Thor, Steven and Tony just went silent the moment he stepped in. He looked confused around but figured out that he disturbed something. 

“What is it?“ he asked.

“She can’t leave the room..” Wanda replied after nobody else seemed to do so but she already got looks back. She knew that Bucky isn’t supposed to know.

“Why?..She is fine or not?“ Bucky asked again, worry starting to rise again. 

“(Y/N) is not fine!- “ he snapped but realised it was a bit to harsh before continue to speak. “- her heart isn’t beating“ he finished while almost mumbling the rest. Bucky’s eyes widened at his statement. It couldn’t be possible. Or could it? He wasn’t even sure at this point if he heard that right or just imagined it. 

“That’s not possible. I- I mean how?..How can we still talk to her then?“ he stuttered out and leaned against a desk before he fainted from the first shock and confusion he felt. 

“Friday show us the current heart rate from (Y/N)“ Nat said and you heartline showed up on a monitor which showed exactly what no one really believed til now. 

“Wait and she doesn’t even know?“ Bucky raised his voice again. 

“No she doesn’t because we don’t know how she would react“ Steve explained Bucky in a calmer voice but Bucky thought otherwise and it made him uncomfortable that you didn’t know and let alone the thought that he would have to say it.

“She deserves to know and she will know it anyway if we keep testing her or if she has to stay in this room forever“ Bucky angrily said trying to make them to understand. 

“She won’t stay in there forever and we are gonna tell. Just not now. Don’t tell Bucky..ok?” Steve pleaded him and Bucky nodded sighing in stress out. They just stayed silent again before Wanda had something to say. 

“As I said before Bucky came in. I really think it has something to do with what I saw as the accident happened. I wasn’t the one who blowed the room.“ Wanda said and looked around the room. 

“We already tested her on everything Wanda and we shouldn’t risk you trying again.“ Nat spoke up and reminded everyone what could happen if Wanda is getting near to you.

“I think we could bring her to someone who smarter than everyone in this room“ Tony said. Everyone knew who he was talking about, they still looked shocked. 

“I’m shocked to hear that coming out of your mouth Stark but I agree. If that doesn’t work I can still bring her to my Home“ Thor offered while they were leaving the room again together. Bucky already made his way back to you while the other left in different directions to pack their stuff. 

“We’re leaving in 10!“ Tony yelled before disappearing into another room. 

You just had another session of silent with Craig as Bucky literally barged into back into room with a wide smile on his face and slightly out of breath like he took all the stairs up here. 

“Come on doll. Pack your bag, we’re going on a trip!” he explained and handed you a bag. You jumped out of the bed and began stuffed most of the you needed. “She is not allowed to leave Sergeant Barnes!“ you heard Craig saying, at least you think that it’s him since he never really talks to you or anyone. 

“Really Craig? Didn’t know you can talk!“ you shouted back from the bathroom. You couldn’t made out anymore what they are talking about but they argued for a good while. 

“One last question Craig. How are you even married? Did you like met her on a dating site and there was no other choice or something?“ you asked Craig who still looked completely emotionless at you. He didn’t even care to respond on your little bit furious question. Bucky stepped in before something would happen but you just didn’t like people who are this rude to not talk with someone for straight three weeks in one room. 

“Where are we even going Bucky?“ you asked him curious as you stepped into the elevator together. He just smiled probably just as bright as you. You could feel that he is just as happy for you to be out of this room again. 

“It’s a surprise“ he said teasing you. 

“Ok fine. Can I get a hint?“ you asked as you made your way through the hallways. A hallway you seemed to familiar with and who you used to walk through every day. A few steps more and then you noticed your old room and stopped in front of it. 

“All I can say is that you always wanted to see it“ he told you before he noticed that you weren’t beside him anymore. He stopped walking and looked back to see you standing in front of your door. Bucky stepped back to you and waited for you to either continue to walk or open the door. 

“You can go in“ he said putting his arm around you. You looked shortly up to him and back to the door again. You really wanted to go in again but if you would do it now you weren’t sure if you could leave it again for the next hours. You missed living down here. Also you didn’t visit the rooftop in months which meant that all the flowers and plants you had must be dead by now. That was hard work and you had to try to keep it up again but now wasn’t the right time so you looked up to Bucky and shook your head. 

“Not now..“ you added and pulled him with you towards the jet. Bucky understood your decision and why wasn’t the right time. 

“There she is! Looking good (Y/N)“ Sam said pulling you in a hug. 

“Yeah here I am“ you replied happy that it felt like the old times again. Sam always managed to make you smile or laugh. You greeted the rest and buckled into a seat between Wanda and Bucky. 

“Hey is everything ok?“ you asked Wanda quietly and took her hand in your. Wanda of course looked shocked to your hand like she isn’t used to it. You still wanted to know why she is so distant lately, not once you had a chance to talk to her longer than five minutes or give her hug and almost like a sign she pulled you closer and hugged you tight. 

“It’s just a tough time..“ Wanda whispered and you hugged her back understanding what she meant and what she had must been through. 

“I am back again. I wouldn’t just leave my best friends here“ you chuckled lightly, trying to keep the mood up. 

Nearly an hour later you fell asleep with your head on Bucky’s shoulder and his resting on yours. Steve watched you from the opposite site. 

“What do you think about these lovebirds?“ Sam asked motioning towards the both of you. 

“I have no idea but it seems like they have connection“ he shrugged and smiled. Silently he watched you two. He was nervous what is going to happen with you and how it would change not only you but also Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback appreciated :)
> 
> xoxo Sophie


	9. Wakanda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet Shuri for the first time and you have a magical moment with Bucky which leads to something Bucky didn’t plannend…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for typos or if it isn’t correct. Not good with the “medical” part of this lmao…I had a first part of this which was so cute but me being me I accidently deletd it…so I hope that is good too..

Hours went by before you landed in Wakanda and you just woke up in time as the jet landed. Bucky was sadly replaced by a pillow as you opened your eyes again, already being blinded from the light as the back of the jet opened. You felt excited and more nervous by what was actually happening. You stepped outside after everyone else and yawned before you actually noticed where you are. Stunned you looked around. Never once you imagined to come here, you always wanted to as Bucky was here but things changed and now here you are. At the probably most beautiful place you have ever seen. 

Wakanda. 

“You surprised?“ Bucky’s voice came up, grinning widely besides you and you continued to walk after being stunned from this shock. 

“More than that…It so amazing here! Please say we make a sightseeing tour“ you looked around this huge place you landed until his arm stopped you from walking into Steve who stopped to greet the king of Wakanda, T’Challa. You didn’t know what to do so you just kept looking around which caught most of your attention anyways.

“Thank you for your help T’Challa. It means a lot“ Steve explained to him. 

“Always a pleasure. Follow me, my Sister is going to love this!“ T’challa chuckled and showed the lead while you and twenty dora Milaje followed you towards Shuri’s Lab. You stayed back with Bucky and talked a bit while Steve explained the situation a little bit further without you noticing it. Moments later you found yourself walking into a big room and a wonderful sight over Wakanda. You waited til Shuri arrived and Bucky excused himself to talk with Steve and Natasha. 

“What are we going to do now? What are we gonna tell her when Shuri wants to test her?“ he asked quietly trying not to speak to loud that you would hear their conversation, luckily for them you still tried to take this all in and you were rather in your own little world right now.

“I have a idea but it’s a little tough..” Natasha said sighing and showed them a small injection that was normally attached to her suit. It was a rather strong serum to let you sleep for at least the rest of the day. 

“Oh my god are you serious…We have to tell her someday we can’t just put her to sleep everytime we want experience something on her“ Bucky replied and looked at them with a serious expression. He felt bad for not telling you what is going on and he knew exactly how you felt with everyone being so distant.

“God just do it Nat..“ Steve sighed and turned around to you waiting for Nat’s move. She strolled behind you and just threw the interjection like a dart into your neck. 

“Ow!“ you shouted from the small pain in your back. You reached with your hand behind your head and pulled the small dart out of your skin, looking at it curious. It just could be Natasha and just as you turned around to her, the world started to fade black. 

“What the f-“ was the last thing you could bring out before everything started to get blurry and turned black. Bucky was fast enough to come up to your side and catch you before you hit the ground.

Bucky put you down on the futuristic table in the middle of the room. The rest of the team besides Bucky, Wanda and Steve left the room. Shuri came later strolling in with T’Challa. 

“Hello everybody! Great another one for me to fix. How are you feeling Sergeant Barnes?“ She said happily and came up to your side, already starting to check your vitals and stuff nobody really any idea she was doing. 

“Good I would say…better“ he replied looking down at you, secretly knowing that you are kind of the reason for it. 

“This is a miracle!“ Shuri suddenly exclaimed as she looked at different charts and what looked like your dna as hologramm. They all looked up fulfilled with hope that she had found the reason for you being….well dead. 

“Sorry but her DNA structure turned completely upside down. The toxic gas had all kinds of chemicals in it which caused to mix her DNA up and well took control over her“ She explained further with excitement. The four of them weren’t as happy as she was obviously. 

“Can you do something to..- to get it out of her?” Steve asked Shuri which caused her to look either questionable and unsure. Can’t mean anything good if probably the most smartest girl on this planet looked at him like this Steve thought and also shared this thought with Nat, Bucky and Wanda.

“I don’t know. She won’t stay unconscious for this long and I don’t think that if she is gonna stay the same afterwards“ She said stopping with her further tests. 

“What do you mean by that?“ Bucky asked, not breaking eye contact with you still laying there like you are in a peaceful slumber.

“Well as it looks like the most power in her body is right now that toxic chemical and if I could remove it then I am not sure what is left for her old self also I don’t know if it doesn’t hurt her in anyway if I remove everything from her DNA“ Shuri told him sadly. 

“We had a little accident..do you know what that could mean?” Wanda asked stepping forward from the window she was standing at. 

“Accident like..?” 

“She used her powers to look into her mind and then it might went to far and whatever is inside of her caused an explosion“ Natasha explained for Wanda since it was a touchy subject for her. Shuri eyes widened and her mouth hung open. 

“Well I guess we have to take a little blood from her and do another test“ she immediately waved a nurse over who took the blood from your vein. Just as she pinned the needle in your arm the blood came rushing through the tube. The only difference was that is wasn’t just normal red blood. It was pitch black and thicker than normal. 

“Ok..don’t worry..I think this is a another syndrom of the gas“ she looked fascinated at the “blood“. The nurse and Shuri left with a sample of your blood which gave them some time alone. All of them standing around your table, Bucky still holding your hand. 

“I am going to tell her when she wakes up“ Bucky raised his voice again causing them already looking suspicious back to him.

“No you don’t!“ Natasha and Steve snapped back said in unison.

“Yes I do she has a right to do so. What did you even wanted to say to her when she wakes up?“ Bucky began getting furious again. 

They looked just at each other already knowing that they didn’t really planned this through. Wanda just held herself out from saying something or picking a side. 

“Yeah I thought that.“ He said and looked back at you who already began to stir a bit. Neither of them dared to say another word, it had to come to this point either way so there wasn’t a point in discussing it any further.  

“How is it going party-people?“ Sam exclaimed coming in with Tony by his side. The looks alone and the uncomfortable silence that laced in the room could say that it isn’t going well. 

“Ughhhh awkward“ Sam mumbled and sat down on one of the chairs.

“Shuri told us what is going on“ Tony explained quietly. It wasn’t the right time to discuss anything more so they stayed put and waited for Shuri to come back. 

“Here is the plan!-“ Shuri came finally through the doors and leaned against the table from you to get everyone’s attention on the results she is showing. Tony was probably the only one who understood a part from it but didn’t really matter if she is explaining it.

“- I could try something but I need her approval and I’ll explain the rest if she is up again“ Shuri said and already began to turn around after everyone nodded only to be stopped again by Bucky. 

“Can I make a small tour outside with (Y/N)? I need some time alone with her y’know?“ he asked hoping to show you around a bit before explaining you what really is going on. 

“Oh! Yeah you can. I understand” She giggled and winked at him. Bucky just shook his head shcoked after he catched up with what she though he meant.

“No not like that..j-just showing around and yeah that..“ he awkwardly said, his cheeks heating up just from having this conversation with her. 

“Ok just make sure that you don’t go out to far!“ she said and disappeared into another hallway. 

It lasts something by seven hours maybe even more, it just felt like forever. Almost like a Déjà-vu. The rest left to go sightseeing or sleeping after another long day. The last one who stood like always by your side was Bucky, holding you hand and not even thinking about letting go. It got already slightly dark and the sun began to go down as he felt you hand getting tighter around his. He looked up and waited for more signs while calling you name quietly. 

You eyes snapped open and you almost sprung up for just a moment you felt extremely angry. Never once you felt this power or energy in you. You aren’t a really aggressive human but now you felt like you are almost shaking, like you needed to get rid of this feeling, of being so angry. 

Bucky held you back from going any further. 

“Hey hey hey! Ok wait a sec“ he said calmly holding your shoulders and it actually helpes you calming your nerves. 

That sudden feeling of angerness disappeared and you just forgot what had happened with you or Natasha. You head began to spin and you felt a bit low at this point, like you didn’t have any adrenalin left over. Neither could you explain why Bucky was being able to calm you down and bring you back to thinking normal, just being in control again. 

“What happened?“ you asked and brought your hand up to you head which still felt like buzzing lightly. 

“I..uhm..The suit from Nat was broken and t-that caused to shoot an injection out soo..it you and you blacked out“ he suddenly came up with this random lie just to have it not explaining right here. He saw your sadness and disappointed as you looked outside the window. 

“Of course that happens to me! What did I miss? Do we still have time to go sightseeing or something?” you asked worried that you ruined anything. You figured out how long you must have been out as you saw the sun getting down outside. 

“We have enough time left for something today and tomorrow too! Let’s go!“ he took you hand and pulled you with him before you get another chance of thinking that you ruined anything. Bucky decided to take a few other hallways to not meet someone. He just wanted you for himself without thinking about you being dead or tests they need to do or lying towards you some more. He lead you through a smaller part of the city and more into an open field that lead towards smaller villages. You tried to keep up with him but also seeing as much as you can from the city.

“Wait Buck! Let’s go see the city!” you asked holding him back a little. 

“We can see the city later or tomorrow. I promise you it’s worth it where we are going!” he looked for a second back to you and you just smiled back and shrugged with your shoulders. You know that you can trust him and if he wanted to show you something than you would probably follow him anywhere. The road began to get higher as you got up on a mountain. Step for step you wondered where he could take you and definitely after this rocky path and him walking this fast than you would without a question start working out again. It was exhausting and the path also didn’t got easier. 

                                                                                                                                      

[Originally posted by marci1900](https://tmblr.co/ZFfbNs22ccmUR)

At the last steps Bucky stopped already and as you took the last steps you got hit by the golden looking streams of light. Stunned you joined his sight and saw the massive landscape with the most stunning sunset you ever seen. The sun just started to get down and the last sunlights reached almost every bit of Wakanda. All the huge fields, the smaller villages and behind you the skyscraper of the main city. 

“I promised right?“ he said proudly.

Bucky sat down on a larger rock with you besides him. He wasn’t at this point even looking at the sunset anymore instead he found an even more beautiful sight. The light let you shimmer brightly in a soft golden tone, the small smile you had and the small breeze let your hair flow like waves and the peaceful atmosphere that was just created wasn’t worth destroying by saying what he really wanted to do. 

You turned around to him and saw him already looking at you with a soft smile on his lips. Maybe it was the moment but you just felt like it was right so you started to lean in, just like he did. Your face now just inches apart from each other. The butterflies in your stomach just started to spread and you felt a comfortable warmness in your chest. Everything that had build up between the both of you and with the little crush you both had just became reality, like in a movie you felt the time stopping. It was just the two of you now. 

Bucky hit the realisation slightly that he was supposed to tell you what is going on and why you even are in Wakanda. He didn’t wanted to lie any longer to you. But also this moment was just too precious to pass and before he could even think about destroying this you leaned more in. Your lips now met in a featherlight kiss and not really thinking about stopping your lips collided into more slower and then again in softer kisses and then also into more passionate and romantic kisses. He held you jaw in his hand and with the other he pulled you a little closer. 

That was one of the moments in your life you are never going to forget. These who doesn’t happen often, where just everything fits and you never going to forget. He knew by this moment that he is going to marry you no matter what happened or would got in your way. He promised to himself to not let you ever slip through his fingers and never give the hope up. 

You smiled into the kiss and your hand ran up his chest and to his hair. Every second of this you would memorize for the rest of your life. Not even thinking about leaving you just stayed there until the stars brightened up the sky and after this night you are pretty sure this is permanent. 

The only question left was when he is going to tell you or when you are going to find out for yourself and most importantly how you are going to react.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback appreciated :)
> 
> xoxo Sophie


	10. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally know the truth about yourself and your relationship with Bucky deepens a bit more while you agree for Shuri’s help…

“What do you think happened?“Clint asked into the room full of Avengers who waited for your return of wherever Bucky took you. The understood that you probably need time but is has been already hours since you are gone. 

“(Y/N) isn’t a person to be full of rage. She is hurt and I guess devastated but she’ll come back“ Wanda says tapping with her fingers against the counter she is sitting at nervously. 

“Tony stop pacing around, she is fine!“ Nat snapped her head up from the couch she almost fell asleep on. The whole team was tired but neither of them could sleep without knowing how you are or how you reacted. Tony obviously finished his third coffee wouldn’t you come back in the next half hour he would most likely have a panic attack and then search under every rock in Wakanda to look for you. 

“How am I supposed to calm down if I know that she is still out there with Frozen Popsicle Number 2 and maybe right now still reacting to that something is wrong with her?“ he raged and just paced faster around the room. The rest just stayed silent and the only thing you could hear is Steve’s soft snoring from the other side of the rather large living room. 

“Bucky has this under control. He wanted to do this and they are just fine!“ Natasha tried to assure them. She didn’t know how you were or Bucky but at least she tried to calm everyone’s nerves a bit. 

“That’s it! She left with Bucket. It’s so obvious, this whole lovey-dovey that is going on with them.“ Sam said with a chuckle and just in this moment Bucky and you walked into the room, not as expected but in a whole other mood. More like you just came from your honeymoon. With your arm draped around his chest and his metal arm was on your shoulder holding you tightly. Both of you with a warm smile on your lips.

Sam rolled his eyes and quietly mumbled “Damnit“ before turning his attention back to his phone. 

You didn’t notice the team at first watching you since you were occupied with how fantastic the night turned out to be but as soon as you felt their eyes starring at you suspiciously, you took a few steps away from Bucky. Everybody looked confused between the both of you but Bucky silently shook his head. Now everyone knew that he didn’t do it. Still no reason for you being so late. If they just knew…

“Where have you been?!“ Tony looked to you like he is checking if you got hurt or anything. 

“We just watched the sunset a bit longer“ you chuckled and yawned shortly after. “- and I’ll go straight to bed. Good night guys!“ you turned around waved everybody. You wanted to kiss Bucky good night but both of you decided to keep it a little bit more a secret so you just hugged him and walked towards your bedroom with a wide grin on your face. 

“I can explain..“ Bucky stated as you were out of sight. 

“You better be!“ Tony said with a serious look. The rest who hasn’t fallen asleep yet listened closely and waited for his answer.

“Look I couldn’t tell her because..- it wasn’t just the right time y’know“ he tried to explain it without spelling the secret or sounding too cheesy. 

“And who the hell is supposed to tell her now?“ Tony sighed and ran a hand across his face. To say he was tired was understandable. You’re like a daughter to him and he worried way to much about most of the things if it had to do with you. 

“I would let Shuri handle that or a doctor. It would be just weird if it comes from any of us. It’s not right if her only family tells her that she is sick or not okay“ Clint brought up from the couch with a sleeping Nat at his side. 

They knew it’s the right decision to do and so they stopped arguing and let Shuri and T’challa know about it.

That was the final decision this night.

You woke up the next day happy as you probably ever would be. Bucky came later that night tiptoed into your room. He was still asleep after you woke up but it was pleasant to see him this peaceful. You let your hand ran over his features, trying your best to not wake him up to be in this peaceful chilly bubble a bit more. As softly as possible you let your hand wander across his lips, along his jaw and then into his beautifull brown hair. You snuggled a bit closer to him and closed your eyes for a bit more. 

“Did you even sleep?“ his still croaky voice spoke up and let you look up again to him. He had his eyes still closed but held you against his chest and smiled brightly. 

“I did. Better than ever actually“ you giggled and kissed his jaw and tried to cuddle even closer to him. If that was even possible anymore. Sadly your little bubble popped as a knock disturbed the trance you were in. Bucky just groaned and pulled the blanket above your heads. 

You just giggled and tried to break out of his grip to open the door. It was harder than you thought. Bucky just grumbled everytime you tried to move. Eventually you made it out of bed and put a longer shirt on and a pair of shorts before you opened the door but just enough to not show Bucky being in your bed. To your surprise Okoye stood in front of your door. 

“Good morning (Y/N). Get ready, You have a meeting with Princess Shuri in ten minutes. I’ll escort you to her“ She told you and smiled delightful. 

“Thank you. I’ll just need a minute“ You told her and she nodded. You quickly changed into a new outfit and brushed your teeth before kissing Bucky, who already fell asleep again, on his cheek before leaving the room. 

The first few minutes were silent as you followed Okoye through the already busy hallways of the tower in Wakanda. A place you never dreamed of you would find yourself in and not in your wildest dreams would you imagined yourself in Wakanda while being with Bucky. 

“I promise I won’t tell anyone“ Okoye said a bit quieter to you and you snapped back into reality, confused you looked to her. As she would probably call it “like a deer in headlights“

“Oh please. You and Sergeant Barnes? You two couldn’t be more obvious“ She chuckled and guided you a bit longer through the hallways. You blushed at her comment and to be honest you didn’t even wanted to deny it or rather couldn’t or just didn’t know how. Somehow you just wanted to scream it out loud. 

“Thank you for being discrete. It’s pretty fresh“ You smiled and pictured Bucky still in bed sleeping and how much you wanted join him again. 

“Doesn’t seem like it’s fresh“ she replied and stopped in front the kinda familiar glass doors. 

“-Shuri is waiting go on“ She added and opened the door for you. You thanked her another time before greeting the young smart girl again. You loved Shuri and you seriously couldn’t wait to bring Peter here someday. You can imagine that they would be best friends instantly. 

“Good morning (Y/N). I guess you ask yourself why you are here?“ You nodded and she motioned to follow her towards the table in the middle of the room. Everything of this felt really familiar but you couldn’t really put it anywhere. Maybe you just forgot or it’s really just a feeling. 

“The real reason why you are here is not just a surprise trip like Sergeant Barnes told you. Maybe you can’t remember but you were here yesterday..“ She told you and stopped in front of the table. You just furrowed your brows curious and crossed your arms over chest while trying to understand the point she is getting to. 

“I’ll just show you“ Shuri said and patted patted the table. You did what you were told and laid back down. The table lightened up as you laid down and over you stood different notes to your health. Just normal stuff you thought. Shuri began to explain what a DNA looked like and other medical stuff you mostly didn’t really understand. The situation and why she told you all of this made you curious and a bit scared but you listened to everything she had to say. You weren’t prepared to hear and fully understand what she is about to say in the next minutes.

Bucky woke up maybe after half an hour. Your side of the bed already cold and empty. He groaned and opened his eyes a bit to look around the room. Suddenly he remembered the early morning and how Okoye knocked on the door. It must mean that you are currently with Shuri and that you get told the serious problem with you. He quickly put a shirt on and the pair of sweatpants from yesterday before running out of the room. Luckily he already knew every corridor of the tower. 

He stopped at the glass door and just came in time to see you sitting up from the table. Your face stained with tears and your hand across your mouth to stifle the sobs. He could feel the pain you must feel in this moment and he couldn’t move or do anything instead he just watched how you broke into pieces. He wanted to go in, he really did but he wasn’t sure how you would react. If you would be mad or hurt or just sad and needed comfort. He saw Shuri hugging you and she obviously noticed him and waved him over. He took the sign and entered the room. 

You didn’t even looked up but rather quickly Shuri let loose and Bucky took her place. He let his metal hand ran up and down your back to soothe you but you sobbed even harder. 

“Do you know?“ your voice cracks a bit as you looked up and wiped away the tears that escaped. He just nodded and you leaned your head on his chest again. 

“Sorry that I wasn’t the one who told you. I wanted to but I-I couldn’t..“ by now he really thought you would get angry or disappointed in him. What surprised him was how you really answered. 

“It’s fine Bucky..“ you kissed him not even bothering to hide it in front of Shuri. You just really needed him right now. You didn’t know how you should react. The shock of her telling you that you are not alive and that no one really know what is going on with you was to much which caused the crying and you are scared from the following the days…maybe weeks or months. 

All you wanted to go home. 

You broke away from the kiss first before turning to Shuri, wiping the last reminding tears away. 

“What’s happening next?” 

Together you sat with Bucky and Shuri down and she told you the test she could try on you. It was a lot she told you that she could try. You wanted to agree but she also explained you the immense pain you could be in or how you could end up, that something could go wrong. She didn’t know if you could actually die since you…well already are dead but there is a big chance of something going wrong. It just didn’t sound like fun. 

It was serious and that scared the holy hell out of you. 

To be honest you didn’t really thought much about it. You wanted to be your old self and the current shock you’re still in let you probably say this too soon but you did it anyway. 

Sadly without knowing how painful the next days are going to be. 

“Okay. Do it!“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback appreciated :)
> 
>  
> 
> xoxo Sophie


	11. Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuri starts her tests on you and the team has to leave for a few days along with Bucky who is already thinking about the next step…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao Why do I get sad when I listen to sad music and writing this :’) I am a sucker for pain lmao and this a longer part since the other one where shorter..

Shuri explained you first of all what she had in mind with these tests and how they are supposed to work out. The first and “simple“ test is just a infusion of a chemical cocktail to clean your blood and in the works hopefully like adrenaline to increase your heart rate. 

“What about the other tests you wanted to do?“ you asked her. Bucky sat besides you and held your hand, it helped but you just wanted to go through this without an emotional break down. 

“I tell you about them if the first test doesn’t work otherwise I would just scare you off“ She said with a firm voice and now you just hoped more and more that it would work at the first try. Shuri stood up and talked with the doctors that are assistant in this “experiment” you heard them call it.

“Ok..“ you just said and nodded silently while leaning back in the chair and taking this for a moment all in. Bucky looked at you with pitifull eyes. He looked more sad than you actually did but you couldn’t me more thankful to have him on your side. 

“Don’t look at me like this“ you smiled sadly and almost tired at him which caused him to chuckled a bit. 

It’s hard to explain what you felt for Bucky and what he felt for you in this short amount of time and you both knew how this must look and sounds but there is just this instant connection between the two of you and it just nothing you ever had before. Shuri turned back to you with a pair of white clothes in her hands. 

“We can start now if you’re ready. Just put these on and I’ll show you your room“ she said handing you the clothes, you just nodded and changed into the white tanktop and white shorts before going out again. You three and the nurses followed you to the next room which wasn’t far away from the first one.

You laid on the bed while the nurses hooked you up to different machines that will show you if it actually helps to bring you into the right path of your health not that you were sick or that you didn’t felt good to be honest you felt just like always, just normal. Shuri told you that she didn’t know what still couldn’t happen with that toxic gas which already changed your DNA and blood system so this was the reason to do these tests. Besides that you didn’t wanted to be looked at as you were actually just a corpse walking around. 

The IV was already hooked to your vein and the chemical or whatever is inside their looked kinda blue-ish started to flow through the tube and into your arm. 

“It should take about two hours til it’s empty and fully into your blood system. A nurse will check on you in an hour again and if something happens push the red button behind your bed. I’ll see you in two hours“ Shuri explained to you before she waved you the last time and disappeared behind the door, leaving you and Bucky alone again. 

“Can you lay down with me?“ you asked sleepy while making space besides you on the bed. 

“Of course“ he said climbing with you on the bed which wasn’t really big so you ended up being half on top of him. You got more and more tired from standing up so early and yesterday not really coming home early and helped having him besides you all the time. 

You laid in silence for a while and you started to really think for a second how your heart isn’t beating. It didn’t make you upset or anything but you really didn’t started to think that really through or maybe you just didn’t understood enough to get what is really going on. Your head was on Bucky’s shoulder and you let your hand rest just over his chest and you could feel his heart beating. Again and again and again. Beat for beat. It just felt normal just as it supposed to feel. Then you let your hand wander over to your chest and you searched for the beat but there was nothing. No beat and no movement. You realised it now really how much that changed and for sure it would change even more than that. 

“Don’t overthink this. You’re not alone, I’ll promise we will get through this together. Things aren’t always supposed to go right and we are all kinda fucked up…but we are not less of a person. You are still you and I am still me“ Bucky said with a sleepy but still firm voice suddenly and laid his hand over your and holding it while he put his other arm over you to hold you even tighter at least as much as he could through all the things you are hooked on. 

You smiled to yourself to have someone like him and fell asleep along with just seconds later. 

Just maybe half an hour Bucky woke up again. He couldn’t really sleep right now but it felt good to you have close to him and knowing that you searched for his comfort. He gently let his hand ran over your back up and down which caused you to snuggle even closer to him. You always smiled in your sleep which was one of the thousands things he loved about you. 

Before he got to close his eyes again to enjoy his this longer his eyes snapped to the door that got slowly opened. He thought it was just a nurse but no it was Steve. He didn’t really wanted to jump up and pretend that nothing is going now so he just lived with the fact that Steve knew. Bucky wouldn’t probably keep this a secret in front Steve anyway for too long and neither did he wanted to hide you from anyone. 

“Shuri told me already..about the tests too “ Steve chuckled and sat on the free chair beside your bed. 

“How is she doing?“ he asked again looking down at your sleeping form that is cuddled up next to Bucky who sat up a little. 

“She is strong“ Bucky just said looking to you and letting his hand gently swipe across your side to push your hair behind your ear. 

Minutes late you woke up too and looked up to Bucky also not aware yet that Steve is in the room too. 

“Hey sleepyhead!“ Steve said behind your back and you flinched slightly.

“Jesus Steven. Don’t you scare me like that ever again“ you said laughing and turning around to him. You could already guess that he knew about You and Bucky so you didn’t bother thinking about a lie that you could tell him.

“How are you feeling?“ he asked again. Bucky kissed your head before standing up again and stretching his arms a bit. 

“Good. I don’t really feel a difference yet.“ you replied and sat up. The nurse checked on you and your vitals while Steve and Bucky are gone to get some coffee. Another hour later the bag with the blue-liquid is empty and Shuri came back strolling in and told you rest a bit in your own room or at least not to walk away too far in case the stuff you got injected started to change anything or just that anything else is happening with you since it’s just an experience and tests. Steve and the others had to fly back to New York because of a important mission and they had to give an “Mission report“ to Fury about your whole Situation. Bucky had to leave too sadly even if he insisted to stay but Fury himself called and said “Rather he comes back too or I’ll fly back to Wakanda myself and drag this motherfuck back here“. 

You stood with Bucky by the jets saying goodbye. It wouldn’t even be for too long still it felt like back when Steve had to leave Bucky alone here. 

“I’ll be back in at least three days! Still you call me ok? and don’t anything stupid“ He said while hugging you and kissing your temple between his words. 

“Yes I promise…I’ll miss you“ you said and pecked his lips shortly. 

“I’ll miss you too.“ He kissed you back another time before turning around walking towards the jet. 

“Bye (Y/N)!“ Sam who came late as always hugged you shortly and ran to jet. He along with Bucky and the others waved you before the jet door closed and took off. 

Now being alone felt kinda weird so you just decided to walk through the streets of Wakanda a bit which you finally had time for even when it’s already night time again. Everything about Wakanda fascinated you. The people, the technology and for the most how secretly they lived here without the world knowing. It seemed so futuristic almost. You looked through the markets that were a bit out of town and then again more into the city. Also kinda weird how nice everyone here is. As the first shops closed again you began to walk back to the tower and to your room deciding that you go early to bed. 

It felt even more empty now without Bucky besides you. You texted him “Missing you already. Going to sleep now xo“ before falling asleep.

Early in the next morning you woke up feeling pretty normal. You could already guessed that the test didn’t work out which also meant that you had to do the other tests that Shuri told you about. The not so pleasant tests. 

“You guessed right the test didn’t work“ Shuri told you later the same day while looking at your results that she got from a new blood example. You laid just as  disappointed as her on the table just looking at the ceiling. You breathed in and out while trying to stay calm and closing your eyes. God you just wished that Bucky would be here. He could help to take your mind off of things. 

“What is the next test about?“ you asked now opening your eyes looking up to her. Shuri didn’t look happy and sighed heavily before continuing. 

“I am sorry (Y/N). We’ll begin with the easier one ok?“ She said now looking down at you. You nodded and got teary eyes but just blinked them away and told yourself that you can do this.

“It’s kind of like a shock therapy…It will hurt but as soon as you can’t stand it anymore you tell me alright?“ You nodded again while trying to accept it. Shuri began to type a few things down on her tablet and the nurses came back. Before they could do anything you stopped them. 

“Can I call Bucky for a second?“ you asked Shuri who turned around to you and nodded leaving you alone in the room for a second. 

The phone rang for a while before his voice sounded through it. 

“Hey (Y/N) how are you?“ He asked you and you heard him breathing strongly. It’s still early which must have mean that he is probably working out.

“The test wasn’t succesfull and they are about to try another one“ you told him sadly. He sighed deeply before he replied. 

“What are they doing? Do you want me to come back? I would make it in the next few hours“ 

You wanted him back really bad but he just had to get this done with Fury and then he would be back in a day or two. It would cause just more trouble if he fly back now. 

“No..Stay there I got this. Shuri didn’t told me yet..I-I just wanted to call you“ you lied to him. Would you have told him, he would obviously be worried and fly back to you.     

“Call me if you have update!“ He said and you replied with a simple Ok and just before you wanted to hang up you heard him saying something again. 

“(Y/N)! I-I…“ he struggled to say something. 

“Yeah Bucky?“ you asked as he didn’t continue. 

“Nevermind. I’ll call you tonight bye“ he said and hung up. 

**-Bucky’s P.O.V-  
**

“Dude I am glad that you didn’t told her that over the damn phone” Sam said coming walking up to him. 

“Don’t you think it’s too early to say that?” he asked Sam and looked down to his phone where he saw the wallpaper from you. 

“Normally yes but between the both of you? I could almost wonder why you aren’t already getting married so no…just don’t say it over the phone” Sam replied and started running again. Bucky looked for another time back to his phone before tugging it away and catching up with Sam and Steve. 

**-Normal P.O.V-**

“Are you ready?“ Shuri asked you after the nurses connected dots and different caples all over you body. You nodded, Shuri smiled and squeezed you hand shortly before stepping away from the table. 

“I’ll start on a lower stage ok so you can see how much it is“ she said and tapped a few things on the table before you felt the shocks running through your whole body. It stung pretty strong and it made you flinch. It continued to go on for two minutes until Shuri turned it down again. 

“How are you feeling?“ She asked worried. 

“I am fine. Go on“ you assured her. You could do this  you thought. The nurse gave you for the next stage a mouth protection so you wouldn’t bite your tongue off. Shuri began to turn it on and it felt nothing like the first one. You flinched again, tears strung into your eyes and you could almost scream but you held it in. Again after two minutes your muscled started to hurt from flinching all the time and you are actually out of breath. 

“It works (Y/N)! You’re DNA is changing!“ Shuri said and you smiled thinking for a moment it’s over but it wasn’t. 

“How long before it’s done?“ you asked through the mouthguard.

“With that stage really long. I would say at least an hour..“ she said slightly worried about your state and the pain she is putting you in. 

“and how long if you turn it all the way up?“ you asked and closed your eyes exhausted from these two minutes. Not even wanting to do more. 

“Uhm..10 minutes maybe more or less but (Y/N) I can’t let you do this..Th- The stage is- “ she began to argue but if you had to go through ten minutes of hell to have your old self back then you would just do it. 

“Just do it Shuri“ you said firmly and cut her off. 

“(Y/N) seriously that is immense pain you are setting yours-“ she began again. 

“Shuri! Turn it on!“ you began to cut her off again. She thought for a moment about it. 

“You tell me and I’ll turn it out immediately! Just say stop and I’ll turn it off“ She said pointing her finger at you and you nodded and closed your eyes. The nurse gave you even a injection but you didn’t have really hopes that it would help. Shuri tapped it back and on and as the electricity began to shoot through your body it was more than she described it. You started to scream loudly in pain, your whole body began to shake and then it felt like you couldn’t move anything. The tears began to roll over your cheeks as you screamed and screamed. It wasn’t even a minute and before you would pass out from the pain you stopped it. 

“STOP! PLEASE S-STOP!!!“  you screamed and Shuri turned it back down again. Finally it stopped and it felt like you saw a light but then just got pulled right back into life again. You couldn’t  move for a second while you just laid there still crying not just over the pain but also that you didn’t and probably wouldn’t ever get through these ten minutes. You saw Shuri talking to you and nurses coming up to your side but it was inaudible right now. You just felt numb and sad. Another test that didn’t work out you thought at least. 

What you didn’t know in that moment is that is kinda worked but not as planned…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback appreciated :)
> 
> xoxo Sohpie


	12. Abillities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of changes and problems you have to face while you have troubles facing the new reality, thankfuly you got some help…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got to write it again. had a lot of thought about this series and had a lot of versions but I guess this is the best one.

Slowly you became aware of your surroundings, your breathing slowed down again and the headache that felt like a extreme pressure on your head plus the nerve wrecking sound in your ears disappeared again after the shock you got likewise a lightning that struck through your body. You blinked multiple times as you leaned on your elbows to sit yourself up. You looked down to your arms and noticed your veins in a pitch black running up your hands, arms and also your fingers turned completely dark that continued almost to your wrists.

Staring in shock up to Shuri and down at your hands again. You waited for it to turn back again, that this was just a illusion or a dream or more likely a nightmare but nothing happened. It felt like a cold shiver running down your back as you let your fingertips running over the black veins along your arms. You made your hands into fists, so strong that you could feel your nails sinking into your skin. Not even feeling the pain.

Shortly after Shuri tried to explain to you that through the chemical infusion they gave you, the toxic gas you got in contact with thanks to Hydra and the shock therapy that somehow activated all of that and last but not least became something similar to Wanda’s powers. You didn’t said much afterwards. It was too much so you stayed in your room with the blindfolds closed, you once saw your reflection as you entered the room. You saw the black veins almost everywhere, your black hands and your eye color turned from a (Y/E/C) into the same black as your hands, darker as the night. Behind your eyes you saw nothing left from the person you were before. Your phone got so many messages and calls that you turned it off.

 

How would Bucky or your friends look at you like they did before when you look like a complete other person you asked yourself. It has been already two days, you didn’t left the room and barely ate something. Shuri and even T’Challa tried talking to you saying that they tried to find a solution. But you declined. You weren’t mad at Shuri or T’Challa, not at all but you just felt tired of these tests. Since you woke up you just wanted to go back but now you realised that you can’t turn back time or change things that already happened. Nothing will ever be the same and that was just something you had to accept.

The last thing you knew about Bucky was that he along the others had a mission. Orders from Fury. The only one who was coming back was Wanda because Shuri thought that she would know how to handle the situation. You asked Shuri to let only Wanda know. If the others would know they would probably come right back and you didn’t wanted to see you like this, at least not yet. You also had no idea how Bucky would react or what would happen now between the both of you, not even wanting to think about it. You had to wait a little longer til Wanda got here so you laid down in your bed and tried to sleep as much as you can to rest and shut down the voices in your head who brought just more problems with them. More Anxiety and pain which you weren’t to pleased with.

 

**-Bucky’s P.O.V-**

“She isn’t calling back, not even texting. Just Wanda was called back and we aren’t even supposed to know the reason for it. What if something happened? Why just Wanda? Did you even- ” Bucky ranted over the com while trying to accomplishing the simple mission they had but got cut short from Natasha.

“Barnes would you try to concentrate? We’ll know what happened after this mission! We are all worrying Buck..” She said firmly back.

“Shuri said (Y/N) is fine and that we get to know more when we are back. I trust Shuri by that and so should you. Can we now get back to work?“ Steve tried to assure Bucky some more but it didn’t help much after he heard one or two things that Shuri said over the phone plus he worried even more that you aren’t calling him or talking to him. he just wanted to finish this idiotic mission Fury send them on and get back as fast as possible to you.

“I should get back..“ he mumbled, of course Steve and the rest understood why and they wanted to know what is going on just as bad but the mission was almost finished. It wouldn’t make much sense to go now.

“We will..after the mission!“ Steve said again and he just grunted deeply in response.

He felt tired from war and all these mission they had. He is already 101 years old and it has to end at one point doesn’t it? In the 40′s he knew that maybe if he got safely out of war that he wanted to have someone he loved and maybe one or two kids. A family and someone he could tell the stories. After he fell from the train that dream just turned into dust and after all these years that wasn’t even something he thought of and then you got into the picture.

 

**-Wanda’s P.O.V-**

That bit what Shuri tried to explain it to her sounded like what she has been through a few years back with her brother Pietro. She didn’t forget how they were treated and how she felt after the successful experience on her. How it felt to learn her new power and to live with it, to not fear it and instead learn to control it. All the time she had her brother by his side when her parents couldn’t be anymore. Now that you had similar or at least something like powers she knew that you needed someone by your side.

Not just as a teacher like she wished she had. No as a friend who really understood what must go through your head one way or the other. After Pietro died in the battle she was alone again which scared her but then she joined the avengers and became quickly friends with you. and then  with Vision, Steve and all the others ones. They helped a lot as her new friends and her new family.

The whole ride back to Wakanda she prepared herself the best she could for what is about to happen. Basically neither of Wanda, (Y/N), Shuri or T’Challa knew what you had or what you could do, that obviously didn’t help at all but she knew that she would at least try everything she could to teach you what she knew and to just stay by your side.

 

 

**-Normal P.O.V-**

You stayed mostly in your room for the rest of the day, the only way you could go out was to wear a big hoodie and Sunglasses otherwise you didn’t wanted to. You didn’t hated yourself now but  you didn’t wanted to see the people stare at you or judge you maybe even hate you. There was a time where you sometimes walked out of the tower and people thanked you or cheered for you, obviously people are always judging and might be not agreeing with everything but who care that’s normal. Now it would be different.

Out of your state in mind you didn’t notice the knocking on your door.

You snapped your head up to Wanda entering your dark room.

“Hey..” she quietly said to you while stepping further to into the room, you just mumbled something as response. A blanket covered the mirrors, the lights are off and you let the blindfolds closed. The look into the mirror was another thing you haven’t done yet. You looked a few times down to your hands just to quickly hide them again. 

“(Y/N)..?” Wanda asked softly and you felt the mattress shift slightly on one side. Her hand reached up to your shoulder to turn your attention to her which you didn’t let her at first but decided to get just over with it. If someone would understand her then it would be hopefully her since Pietro and her are the first really friends you had. 

As you finally looked to her in the dim light that comes from the slightly open door. She didn’t even looked shocked like you would at least expected her to be, just a tiny bit you thought but no instead she just smiles at you and giggles. At first it was confusion but then you felt just so released and you started to cry a bit. It was just that you didn’t got to talk much in the last time and then she was gone for a few days and as Wanda made you laugh you just felt the nostalgia bubbling up inside of you.

  
“Don’t cry (Y/N). You are not alone” she said and pulled you in for a hug.

To sum it all up. The next hours you spent with talking, lots of stories you shared a hundred times before and just a casual girls night like back in the tower before shit went down. Nat was the only  one missing now and your girls squad would be complete. At some point in the early morning you fell asleep with soft classic music playing the background. The next day you decided to sleep in and then get to it! You knew how she worked out and trained with her powers, it would be different with you since nobody really knew what you could do but it would eventually show itself with her help. 

“Nothing is working and I can’t do it! I look like a idiot by swinging my hands around!”  you almost yelled. It has been hours of training and nothing happened. Wanda tried to explain you the motions she is doing with her hands and what she does to control it but it didn’t work on you.

 

“It takes time. I didn’t learn that in a day not a week. The first results showed after more then a month” She told you from the ground of the training room you where in. You laid on your back still with you hoodie on and sunglasses.

“UGH…I just want to go back in time and change everything.” you said frustrated falling backwards on the ground.

“Maybe we continue to train to tomorrow” Wanda said standing up and helding her hand out to you which you didn’t took out of reasons. She walked you back to your room after you putting the trainings stuff away you used.

“Bucky has been asking about you. He is worried..” she told you and you just sighed looking to the ground while walking. 

“I know but If he sees me like that-” you tried to say and Wanda stopped you with a hand on your shoulder from walking. 

“Do you hear what you are saying? Bucky had a lot of problems himself with his arm and you know that and besides that just because you look different doesn’t mean he stops to love you. It’s also not the first time he see stuff like that” She told you with a firm voice and furrowed eyebrows. You nodded understanding and started walking again. 

“So..you think he loves me?” you blushes and you both giggled. It gave you a bit hope that somehow he wouldn’t react badly but still your anxiety wasn’t let you rest. 

  
“Why do you even ask? He is so obvious!”

Shortly in front of our bedroom door Shuri already waited for you and spoke up. 

 

“I just wanted to tell you that a jet landed. Barnes came back and he is looking for you (Y/N)” she said giving you a knowing smile and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback appreciated :)
> 
> xoxo Sophie

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback appreciated 
> 
> xoxo Sophie


End file.
